This was my old URL for when I started on tumblr and I've decided to put it to good use and make a blog where I post articles I have written, you know, like proper blog posts, for y'all to read. Some of them will just be me wittering on and some will be advise type things.
Reblogged from sarahlancashire  9,288 notes
internal-acceptance-movement:



HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SUICIDAL:
1. Remind yourself that this will pass.
Just because things feel horrible and unfixable now doesn’t mean that they will always be. The pain you’re feeling won’t last forever. It will pass. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after that. But sometime soon, it will pass. It always does. Feelings are like waves. They come in strong, rise, peak, and then fade. The pain you feel now is no exception. In the moment when you feel incapacitated by your pain, it’s hard to remember this. But I promise with all my heart that it’s true. This hurt and despair will not last forever. It can and will pass.
2.  Recognize all the people you have to live for.
You may not be able to feel it now, but the truth is that you are so loved. You are valued and cherished and important to countless people. Between your close family and friends; old classmates and peers who would feel heartbroken at the thought of never having the chance to reconnect and rekindle a friendship; past and current teachers, mentors, and employers who formed connections with you; and all of the people whose lives you have touched just by smiling at them during a difficult day, asking them how they were doing when they felt invisible, or reaching out when they were struggling. 
You have made a difference in these people’s lives simply by existing and being yourself. To them you are important, and to them, you matter. It may not seem true in this moment, but their love is real, and without you in this world, they would be devastated and feel such incredible loss. Don’t allow your pain to discount these people or their love for you.
3. Identify what triggered your suicidal thoughts and urges.
Feeling suicidal doesn’t come out of nowhere. It is always triggered by a certain event or encounter, or series of painful experiences. Try to back track and figure out when you started hurting, and know that whatever is causing you this level of pain and hopelessness, it is only temporary. Something happened that wounded you, and although that something can’t be forgotten, it can be resolved. You may be wounded, but you aren’t broken. You can and will heal. It starts by figuring out what caused your pain and recognizing what is perpetuating it.
4. Identify what you need to heal.
What need to you have that isn’t being met? Whether it’s feeling loved and accepted, the sense of belonging and being connected, a group of friends to feel less alone, closure from a painful experience, someone to share your feelings with, feeling seen and heard and understood, confronting someone who has hurt you, apologizing to someone you’ve hurt, or finding a sense of purpose and meaning for your life—identify what you need to heal and make a list of ways to get those needs met.
That could mean asking for what you need from a support person, setting boundaries and limits with people, letting go of negative people from your life and finding new people who make you feel loved and accepted, incorporating more of what you’re passionate about into your life, reaching out and giving yourself permission to get more support, changing your environment to one that is conducive to your happiness and wellbeing, or simply taking more time for yourself each day. Whatever it is, figure out what you need and give yourself permission to get it.
5. Reach out and let people know what’s going on.
I know that you want to be strong for the people you love. I know that you want to be able to take care of yourself because you’re worried about burdening people with your pain. But I also know that keeping how you feel a secret doesn’t make you feel any better. It makes you feel more miserable, more hopeless, and more alone.
Being strong doesn’t mean denying yourself help. It doesn’t mean perpetuating your pain or neglecting your needs. And it doesn’t mean hiding away your hurt and pretending that everything is okay. Being strong means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means giving yourself permission to feel your feelings, even when they are painful. It means allowing your needs to get met by asking for help, even when you’re afraid of being a burden. And it means taking care of yourself, even when you feel you don’t deserve to be taken care of.
Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s self-care. It doesn’t make you incapable or inadequate — it makes you human. We all struggle and have a difficult time coping. We all feel lost and scared and hopeless. And at some point, we all need help. You are no exception to that. You deserve to get support when you need it. So don’t stay silent. Speak up and use your voice. Let the people who love you know what’s going on. They want to help, but they can’t and have no way of knowing that you’re hurting unless you tell them. 
6. Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved.
When you’re feeling this hopeless and miserable, having toxic people in your life is the last thing you need. So let go of the negative people in your life who make you feel unsafe, judged, and inadequate, and starting seeking out and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.
These are the people who love and accept you without conditions. The people who don’t allow your struggles to discount who you are as a person. The people who don’t judge you for struggling and don’t abandon you just because things get difficult. People who may not understand your pain or how to help, but who want to support you and be there regardless because they care for you. These are the people who matter. Give yourself permission to let go of the rest. You don’t need anyone in your life who brings you down or makes you feel small. 
7. Make a list of reasons to live.
When life starts feeling meaningless and without hope, it can be helpful to make a list of reasons to keep holding on.
Between breaking the hearts and lives of the people who love you; missing out on major life experiences and opportunities; robbing yourself of the chance to travel the world, go on adventures, and explore the beauty that exists around you; never getting the chance to fall in love or practice the things you’re passionate about; missing out on the growth and development of the lives of people you care about; abandoning your pets; never getting the chance to learn new things or discover and refine certain talents and strengths you possess; to robbing yourself of the chance to discover that things can get better, there is so much in this world to live for. 
Yes, there is a lot of pain and struggle in your life; but there is also a lot to keep fighting for. Don’t allow your darkness to make you forget all the good that still exists. If you find yourself having a difficult time coming up with a list of reasons for yourself, think of what reasons you would give to a friend or loved one if they felt suicidal. 
8. Create a safety plan.
If you reach a point where you don’t feel you can prevent yourself from harm, it’s absolutely vital to have a plan. Whether that means immediately calling your therapist or psychiatrist to set up an emergency session, giving someone you trust all the things you could use to hurt yourself, having a list of support people available to call until you can find someone who will stay by your side and not leave you alone, going through a list of coping mechanisms to distract yourself, getting out of your house and into a safe place, or calling 911, you have to come up with a plan ahead of time to keep yourself safe.
9. Seek help. 
I know that asking for help is difficult. I know that it can induce a lot of shame, and that the idea of opening up to a stranger feels absolutely terrifying and out of the question. But as someone who has been in this position, many times, I also know that the first step to feeling better is reaching out and seeking professional help.
You can’t heal your own darkness when you’re already in its depths. You need an outside person to guide you. Someone who has been trained to help people in your position battle their demons. Someone who understands and has the skills and resources to support you and provide you with a safe space to talk about your feelings, identify your underlying issues, and find ways to cope with and heal from the pain.
If you don’t have access to a mental health worker, know that there are other alternatives. You can call a suicide hotline, talk with a school counselor, join an online help group to give and receive support, reach out to a resident advisor or teacher, or join a local support group. No matter how hopeless things seem, there are always options and there is always hope.
If you’re struggling and hurting, you deserve to get support. You deserve to be happy and find freedom from this pain. You deserve these things because you’re exist and therefore, you’re important and you matter.  Your life matters and your healing matters. There are people and resources available to help you; you just have to give yourself permission to utilize them.
10. Don’t give up.
Just because your life feels unbearable now doesn’t mean that it will feel this way forever. Try to remind yourself of all the times in the past when you felt miserable and hopeless and lost and how each time, the pain eventually passed and life worked itself out — maybe not in the way you imagined, but things got better nonetheless. Now is no exception. This pain you feel can and will pass. If you give up now though, you’ll never discover that better place — so keep holding on.  
I know that you’re in pain. I know that you feel worthless and defeated, but that isn’t a reason to give up. It’s a reason to hold on. Because when things are this awful, they can only get better. When you’re at rock bottom, the only place left to go is up. You can use this low place you’re at as a foundation to rebuild your life and heal. It isn’t easy, by any means, but it’s absolutely possible. You just have to believe that there is more to life than this pain you feel. And you have to believe that you are deserving of discovering it.

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF WHEN YOU FEEL SUICIDAL:

1. Remind yourself that this will pass.

Just because things feel horrible and unfixable now doesn’t mean that they will always be. The pain you’re feeling won’t last forever. It will pass. Maybe not tonight. Maybe not tomorrow, or the day after that. But sometime soon, it will pass. It always does. Feelings are like waves. They come in strong, rise, peak, and then fade. The pain you feel now is no exception. In the moment when you feel incapacitated by your pain, it’s hard to remember this. But I promise with all my heart that it’s true. This hurt and despair will not last forever. It can and will pass.

2.  Recognize all the people you have to live for.

You may not be able to feel it now, but the truth is that you are so loved. You are valued and cherished and important to countless people. Between your close family and friends; old classmates and peers who would feel heartbroken at the thought of never having the chance to reconnect and rekindle a friendship; past and current teachers, mentors, and employers who formed connections with you; and all of the people whose lives you have touched just by smiling at them during a difficult day, asking them how they were doing when they felt invisible, or reaching out when they were struggling. 

You have made a difference in these people’s lives simply by existing and being yourself. To them you are important, and to them, you matter. It may not seem true in this moment, but their love is real, and without you in this world, they would be devastated and feel such incredible loss. Don’t allow your pain to discount these people or their love for you.

3. Identify what triggered your suicidal thoughts and urges.

Feeling suicidal doesn’t come out of nowhere. It is always triggered by a certain event or encounter, or series of painful experiences. Try to back track and figure out when you started hurting, and know that whatever is causing you this level of pain and hopelessness, it is only temporary. Something happened that wounded you, and although that something can’t be forgotten, it can be resolved. You may be wounded, but you aren’t broken. You can and will heal. It starts by figuring out what caused your pain and recognizing what is perpetuating it.

4. Identify what you need to heal.

What need to you have that isn’t being met? Whether it’s feeling loved and accepted, the sense of belonging and being connected, a group of friends to feel less alone, closure from a painful experience, someone to share your feelings with, feeling seen and heard and understood, confronting someone who has hurt you, apologizing to someone you’ve hurt, or finding a sense of purpose and meaning for your life—identify what you need to heal and make a list of ways to get those needs met.

That could mean asking for what you need from a support person, setting boundaries and limits with people, letting go of negative people from your life and finding new people who make you feel loved and accepted, incorporating more of what you’re passionate about into your life, reaching out and giving yourself permission to get more support, changing your environment to one that is conducive to your happiness and wellbeing, or simply taking more time for yourself each day. Whatever it is, figure out what you need and give yourself permission to get it.

5. Reach out and let people know what’s going on.

I know that you want to be strong for the people you love. I know that you want to be able to take care of yourself because you’re worried about burdening people with your pain. But I also know that keeping how you feel a secret doesn’t make you feel any better. It makes you feel more miserable, more hopeless, and more alone.

Being strong doesn’t mean denying yourself help. It doesn’t mean perpetuating your pain or neglecting your needs. And it doesn’t mean hiding away your hurt and pretending that everything is okay. Being strong means allowing yourself to be vulnerable. It means giving yourself permission to feel your feelings, even when they are painful. It means allowing your needs to get met by asking for help, even when you’re afraid of being a burden. And it means taking care of yourself, even when you feel you don’t deserve to be taken care of.

Reaching out isn’t a sign of weakness. It’s self-care. It doesn’t make you incapable or inadequate — it makes you human. We all struggle and have a difficult time coping. We all feel lost and scared and hopeless. And at some point, we all need help. You are no exception to that. You deserve to get support when you need it. So don’t stay silent. Speak up and use your voice. Let the people who love you know what’s going on. They want to help, but they can’t and have no way of knowing that you’re hurting unless you tell them. 

6. Surround yourself with positive people who make you feel loved.

When you’re feeling this hopeless and miserable, having toxic people in your life is the last thing you need. So let go of the negative people in your life who make you feel unsafe, judged, and inadequate, and starting seeking out and surrounding yourself with people who make you feel good about yourself.

These are the people who love and accept you without conditions. The people who don’t allow your struggles to discount who you are as a person. The people who don’t judge you for struggling and don’t abandon you just because things get difficult. People who may not understand your pain or how to help, but who want to support you and be there regardless because they care for you. These are the people who matter. Give yourself permission to let go of the rest. You don’t need anyone in your life who brings you down or makes you feel small. 

7. Make a list of reasons to live.

When life starts feeling meaningless and without hope, it can be helpful to make a list of reasons to keep holding on.

Between breaking the hearts and lives of the people who love you; missing out on major life experiences and opportunities; robbing yourself of the chance to travel the world, go on adventures, and explore the beauty that exists around you; never getting the chance to fall in love or practice the things you’re passionate about; missing out on the growth and development of the lives of people you care about; abandoning your pets; never getting the chance to learn new things or discover and refine certain talents and strengths you possess; to robbing yourself of the chance to discover that things can get better, there is so much in this world to live for. 

Yes, there is a lot of pain and struggle in your life; but there is also a lot to keep fighting for. Don’t allow your darkness to make you forget all the good that still exists. If you find yourself having a difficult time coming up with a list of reasons for yourself, think of what reasons you would give to a friend or loved one if they felt suicidal. 

8. Create a safety plan.

If you reach a point where you don’t feel you can prevent yourself from harm, it’s absolutely vital to have a plan. Whether that means immediately calling your therapist or psychiatrist to set up an emergency session, giving someone you trust all the things you could use to hurt yourself, having a list of support people available to call until you can find someone who will stay by your side and not leave you alone, going through a list of coping mechanisms to distract yourself, getting out of your house and into a safe place, or calling 911, you have to come up with a plan ahead of time to keep yourself safe.

9. Seek help. 

I know that asking for help is difficult. I know that it can induce a lot of shame, and that the idea of opening up to a stranger feels absolutely terrifying and out of the question. But as someone who has been in this position, many times, I also know that the first step to feeling better is reaching out and seeking professional help.

You can’t heal your own darkness when you’re already in its depths. You need an outside person to guide you. Someone who has been trained to help people in your position battle their demons. Someone who understands and has the skills and resources to support you and provide you with a safe space to talk about your feelings, identify your underlying issues, and find ways to cope with and heal from the pain.

If you don’t have access to a mental health worker, know that there are other alternatives. You can call a suicide hotline, talk with a school counselor, join an online help group to give and receive support, reach out to a resident advisor or teacher, or join a local support group. No matter how hopeless things seem, there are always options and there is always hope.

If you’re struggling and hurting, you deserve to get support. You deserve to be happy and find freedom from this pain. You deserve these things because you’re exist and therefore, you’re important and you matter.  Your life matters and your healing matters. There are people and resources available to help you; you just have to give yourself permission to utilize them.

10. Don’t give up.

Just because your life feels unbearable now doesn’t mean that it will feel this way forever. Try to remind yourself of all the times in the past when you felt miserable and hopeless and lost and how each time, the pain eventually passed and life worked itself out — maybe not in the way you imagined, but things got better nonetheless. Now is no exception. This pain you feel can and will pass. If you give up now though, you’ll never discover that better place — so keep holding on.  

I know that you’re in pain. I know that you feel worthless and defeated, but that isn’t a reason to give up. It’s a reason to hold on. Because when things are this awful, they can only get better. When you’re at rock bottom, the only place left to go is up. You can use this low place you’re at as a foundation to rebuild your life and heal. It isn’t easy, by any means, but it’s absolutely possible. You just have to believe that there is more to life than this pain you feel. And you have to believe that you are deserving of discovering it.

Mentality is like a spiral of dominoes on a table. Our mentality is the dominoes, our life is the table. 

We’re all born with them stood up, perfectly spaced but fragile and unsteady. When something shakes us or damages us, the table shakes and some of them fall over. The sooner we catch them, the less that fall over. 

And then we have to start to pick them back up again. They might not be perfect but they’re stood up again. We slowly work away, picking them back up and reshaping the spiral while being careful not to shake the table. 

Then the table gets shaken again. Some of us will have picked up all the dominoes when this happens, some might not have, Some of us work slower or sometimes the gap between the table being shaken is shorter. So more dominoes fall down.

And we start again; rebuilding the spiral. Unlucky people work slowly or have short gaps between shakes and their work is like taking one step forwards, two steps back. Lucky people work quickly, or have infrequent shakes and always get the spiral built back up again. 

Sometimes, the whole lot goes. The table is given one massive shake and there they go, one falling and knocking the next, which knocks the next until not a single domino is left standing at the end. 

And this is when some people give up; what’s the point in building the spiral again if it’s just going to get knocked down before I finish.

But that’s the trick, we have to not give up, and keep going, keep building the spiral because even if we don’t put the dominoes back in exactly the right places, we all build something unique and beautiful. And however many times they get knocked down, the dominoes are always left on the table at the end to start rebuilding with. 

My most important thing: Have good friends, a range of good friends. You need different types of friends in my opinion. If they’re all the same you won’t get everything you need.

  1. The Outspoken One - she’ll (or he’ll) stand up for you whatever. whether you’re right or wrong or just being plain petty. she tells you what you need to hear, not what you want to hear. she places you on a pedestal when you need it and knocks you back down. she’s the one you need in a fight, who’ll be standing right by you when you need her the most. but most over all she will never, ever lie to you about important things, hurtful or not. just make sure you’re on her side when she needs it too.
  2. The Funny One - she’ll make you laugh, not just when you need it, all the time. she’s the one whose presence you cannot leave without a smile on your face, she makes jokes about the most inappropriate things and the most random of things. she never takes sides and even when she’s complaining she manages to make it funny. she probably has a weird obsession for a teenager, like Clint Eastwood or Jane Austen which makes her even funnier. just don’t forget to give her a hug every now and again, even the funniest people get sad sometimes.
  3. The Pretty One - she shows you the good side of pretty people and the bad side. she shows you that pretty people don’t have everything, they have their ups and downs too. she keeps you grounded, keeps you from thinking things like ‘if only I was pretty everything would be ok’. she gets ill, she gets upset, she gets bad grades, she gets heartbroken, she does stupid things and people don’t always like her. she shows you that pretty people are normal people, they just have better genes :L. and remember, just because she gets told she’s pretty all the time, it means more when you say it.
  4. The Clever One - she helps you with your homework and helps you in class as well. she lets you copy her homework when you forget to do your’s and explains things for you when the teacher just ain’t doing it. you feel like a genius when she gets something wrong and you get it right, but secretly you know she might have got it wrong just to make you feel good. but most of all, she’s clever enough to know when you don’t need long words and fancy explanations and you just need a hug. buy her something funny for Christmas  to say thank you and to remind her that clever people can have a laugh too.
  5. The Lovely One - the one who never takes sides. she’s modest. she’s talented. she knows when you need a hug, a laugh, a chat or a distraction. she’ll never hold a grudge and forgive you for every stupid thing you do. she tells you that you’re pretty or look nice almost every day and can’t go a day without complementing someone. she’s probably shy but really wacky when you get to know her. people don’t approach her directly but they never leave her once they discover her true personality. she never seems to get upset but when she does she’ll need you more than ever.
  1. Give everyone a piece of paper and a different coloured pen. (this works with as many people as you want it to)
  2. Sit in a circle - not necessary just makes it a bit easier.
  3. Write your name on your piece of paper and write a list of physical aspects you like about your self onto the paper. Now you can be as specific or non-specific as you like so face or eyes, nose, mouth etc.
  4. Once everyone is done pass it around clockwise.
  5. Now, the next person writes their name at the base of the paper (so you know what colour is them).
  6. Then, they write on your piece of paper what physical aspects they like about you and tick the ones they agree with.
  7. Pass it on and continue until you get it back.
  8. Turn over your paper and do the same but with personality traits, characteristics etc.
  9. Read your result and feel good! Don’t concentrate on what hasn’t been written but I bet with a good group of mates you’ll be surprised with how much you get written down.

Have fun! :D

  1. Buy a bag of balloons, some string and some paper.
  2. Blow up all the balloons and attach them to bits of string, make sure the string is long enough to tie other things to.
  3. Write on strips of paper things you want to give up or forget or get over. This can be anything, a bad habit you want to stop, a feeling you want to go away, something you need to let go of.
  4. Tie all of them to separate balloons and take them outside.
  5. Let them go.
  6. You can do this with as many people as you want to. :)

Surround yourself with happy people, it is so difficult to be in a bad mood when you’re around people who are smiling and laughing and generally happy. Get rid of people who make you feel bad, even if it’s hard, it’s better in the long run.

Things To Do When The Shit Hits The Fan.

It’s bad that I am so used to things going badly that I know how to handle that (stay in bed for days crying and fangirling tearily over various things) but when stuff goes right… I genuinely don’t know how to handle it. I don’t want to get excited (might go wrong again) but I don’t want to have a wholly negative attitude (I mean that won’t get me anywhere) so I just end up staring blankly at stuff. So I am going to compile a little list of things to do (or, probably it’ll be a list of things NOT to do) when shit goes down. 

  1. Don’t text or message or anything anyone. Don’t put anything on Facebook (people can see that shit). Wait a couple of days until you’ve sorted out your head. Otherwise you WILL say things you regret and then end up having to apologise and who knows, maybe they won’t accept your apology.
  2. Don’t get anyone else involved. Whoever it is between, you and one other person, you and multiple people. Keep it between just you guys. If you need to talk to someone about it then get someone you trust and who is not involved. (Get a friend off Tumblr, Tumblr friends are the best) By all means talk to them but do not ask them to side with you and specify early on you don’t want them to tell anyone else what you’re saying. It’s confidential and you just need someone to talk to who will give you honest responses. 
  3. Try not to bitch. I know it seems tempting but it often ends badly. If you desperately need to vent (trust me, I understand the need to vent) then again, find someone you know won’t spill the beans. A Tumblr friend or someone unconnected to the situation. It might be that venting helps you (it does me) but you need to make sure it won’t get back to whoever you’re venting about. If there’s a risk of that then write them a letter. Don’t send it, in fact burn it but it will help get your thoughts out. (Done this before and it helps). If you really want to talk to someone then tell the person you’ve fallen out with (if you think they will accept it) in a grown up way that if they hear anything bad then to ignore it. Hopefully they will be understanding enough to know that you might need to bitch and to get things off your chest to sort out your head. If you don’t think they are that understanding don’t tell them. I’ve been lucky that my current friend is a very wonderful person and gets that often the only way I can sort out my silly head it to just rant and rave and by the time I’ve done I’m thinking more clearly. 
  4. Don’t do anything in the heat of the moment, it links to the first one but it is slightly different. You will be upset for a while so every time you want to say or do anything think it through properly first. Will it actually help the situation or make it worse. Again, if you don’t you could end up regretting it.
  5. Find a good friend. Don’t isolate yourself because that just leads to you feeling left out and isolated. Even though you’ve done it yourself. Yes, take some time by yourself to think things through but don’t neglect the friends you already have. Spend time with them either talking things through or talking about something completely different. If they’re good friends they’ll know what you need from them and they’ll gladly give it. So if that’s a shoulder to cry on or a distraction then they should provide it. 
  6. Look after yourself. I never feel like eating when I’m upset but you have to. If you’re feeling nauseous then ginger helps, ginger tea or crystalised ginger help. Seriously, it sounds stupid as fuck and I didn’t believe it but I swear by it now. Then you should be able to eat. Alternately, don’t binge. And if you really, really feel like it try and eat something healthy. Nibbling on carrot sticks or having an orange will make you feel like you’ve had something without having a bad effect on your weigh or your blood sugar (fluctuations in blood sugar effect your moods so you don’t want that. If you have something sweet you’ll feel better for a little then it will drop again and you’ll feel worse.) Get some exercise. It helps me clear my head to go for a walk and it releases endorphins which make you feel better. Make sure you get your sleep. Too little makes you think irrationally and too much makes you groggy. 
  7. Do stuff you enjoy! Watch TV or a film. Play video games or something. Bake! (As long as you don’t eat all the cake :P)

Come and talk to me! My ask box is always open and I’ve been told I’m good at making people feel better about things. Chances are, whatever problem you’re having I’ve had it too so my worldly experience (ha!) might be able to help.